


Five Times Aliens Thought Kirk was a Demon, And One Time He Was Worshipped

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Series: Spirky Stuff [7]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female Spock, Genderswap, Kirks eyes get him in trouble, Poisoning, Poor Kirk, Spock to the rescue, alien misunderstandings, attempted drowning, craziness, near executions, superstitious aliens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-05-26 22:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6257899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those eerie blue eyes get Kirk in trouble. A LOT of trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Aliens Thought Kirk was a Demon, And One Time He Was Worshipped

1\. This was not going how they planned. Kirk and the away team had come down to make contact with a supposedly peaceful alien people group, who had resources the Federation was interested in. Unfortunately, nobody knew they regarded blue-eyed men as sorcerers and soon Kirk was running for his life, with the rest of the away team, chased by creatures with three inch claws who shrieked at the top of their voices. 

"How in the world did nobody think to put this in the report on this species? We're not the first humans to make contact with them!" Kirk panted as he dodged a rock. The aliens were bent on stoning him to death for carrying an evil spirit.

"I do not know, Captain," replied Spock, her long limbs flying along beside him, "apparently, no one with blue eyes has visited them before."

"If they did, they didn't make it out alive!" Kirk yelled back. They reached their shuttle in the nick of time.

2\. The Bulrinians had a slightly more conventional method of dealing with supposed witches: burning them alive. Kirk struggled violently, but they stunned him with his own phaser and dragged him away. When he came to, he was tied firmly to a stake and shrouded in smoke, surrounded by jeering aliens with wobbly antennae they shook back and forth as they waited for the "sorcerer" to be consumed by the flames. The rest of the away team was nowhere to be seen. 

He panicked. Had they already been killed? Sweat broke out on his forehead as the searing hot flames crept closer to him. This was going to be an excruciatingly painful way to die. He hoped Spock was okay and wasn't being forced to watch this. She had already seen him die once, he couldn't bear to see that pain again in those big brown eyes. He closed his eyes, coughing on the smoke and feeling his boots melting away and intense pain in his legs. Seconds later, he was pulled away by the tug of the transporter beam. Bones was actually nice when he treated the Captain's burns. 

3.The third time it happened, he got tied up and flung into a pond. These aliens were deeply superstitious and believed fair complected people were the evil offspring of a nasty water demon, so they were to be drowned in order to keep the spirits from attacking them. Spock, Sulu, and Cupcake had been subdued and restrained before the aliens made quick work of stripping Kirk and tying his arms and legs extremely tightly. They chanted something in their language that sounded like a curse and flung the mortified captain into the murky water. 

In their celebratory dancing, the aliens failed to notice Spock, who broke free from her captor, until she started nerve-pinching, a furious expression in those dark eyes. She dove into the water and retrieved the soggy Kirk, who gasped and began coughing up water.

When they were beamed up, Doctor McCoy was startled to see Spock in the act of frantically embracing a decidedly bare and bedraggled captain. 

4\. "He is in the thrall of Loki!!! He must be purged!" Uhura translated the rant of an angry alien, who shook his fist at Kirk. The furry brown creatures somewhat resembled Chewbacca, except they were better at the whole talking thing and seemed to have a great dislike of ancient Norse gods. Right now, there were hordes of the angry creatures surrounding them.

No matter how many times Uhura had insisted they were here in peace, the aliens refused to discuss anything with with a group led by someone whose unnaturally colored eyes indicated that he was a deceiver.

Apparently the Chewy people's idea of 'purging' was to force the offending individual to ingest a toxic substance that would cause pain and blindness. There was no way out, once the aliens had spears pointed at their hearts.

Of course, Kirk drank it. Thankfully for him Sulu had smelled the stuff and knew the antidote. He took off running as soon as the Captain collapsed and grabbed a handful of leaves off of a particular plant that grew in abundance there. After many doses, Kirk regained his eyesight, and was severely lectured by McCoy, but he was delighted to be able to see his beautiful Spock again. 

5\. "Okay, this is really getting old". Kirk was standing on the edge of a cliff as an alien chanted out an exorcism. He was apparently controlled by the Devil according to their society and the only way to cast him out was to throw him over a 500 foot cliff. He gulped at the sight of the rocky plain below.

Spock and the rest of the away team were being "purified" at the base of the mountain. Kirk had been bound and dragged up to the top by the high priests and was about to have his brains splattered all over the razor-sharp rocks. One push and he felt the ledge give way beneath him and knew it was over.

"I'm sorry, Spock. I love you", he thought as he plummeted. Fortunately for him, Chekov and Scotty were experienced at rescuing falling Kirks. 

\+ 1  
Spock looked lovely in her formal Vulcan robes, long black hair done up in elaborate twists and piled on top of her head, showing off those dainty pointed ears. Kirk kind of thought he looked ridiculous in the garb he had donned for their official bonding ceremony, but judging by the near adoring look in his new wife's eyes, as they rose from the kneeling position, he guessed she didn't think so. 

That night in the luxurious Vulcan honeymoon suite, she made him feel thoroughly worshipped and he reciprocated in true Kirk fashion. Lying there, running his hands through her silky hair and down her back, he contemplated his varied receptions by non-Terran species.

"Spock, I'm glad your species is too logical to freak out over my eyes," he told his bride. "It's exhausting nearly being executed so much."

Spock smiled and placed a kiss over his heart. "I'm pleased to see you finally appreciate that logic, Ashayam," she said softly, "Such a rare and unusual specimen of humanity must be protected. It is logical for me to do so."

Jim choked back a laugh. "Logical, my foot." He continued to hold her tightly until they fell asleep smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the only way I can write Spirk, since I don't care for them as a slash pairing. I don't know why I torture Kirk so much.


End file.
